sometimes i wish i was more normal. or maybe i am and nobody talks about it. i would rather not talk to someone i like..even just in a friendly way than talk to them and find out that they don't like me. this has gone on to become such a paranoia that i don't even talk to strangers on the telephone. not that i care if they like me..but just because i don't want to like them. raising isolationism to new heights.. quite probably. stupid...naw keeps me from being rejected. hell even when i need help i won't call anyone...that may be stupid. better to live alone with the delusion of friends than to find out the people you were deluding your self about don't like you.

so if i seem cold and distant now you know why..because i would rather not take whatever risk it takes to discover if you actually like me or not. stubborn, frustrating, irritating, dense, lonely.....there we go next time i get asked one of those company bonding questions about five words that describe you i have them all ready to go.